Abstract:

The "Swiss Military Dove," a secret project which led to the Swiss Stealth Bomber and the Swiss Cruise Missile, can now be revealed! The full story of the project history, its aims, failures and successes, which eventually led to the service of the Dove Squadron in the Gulf War.

Postscript:

In a presentation at the University of Berne in 1998, an Israeli developer demonstrated the latest model, a neuronal-network-controlled remote drone capable of over fifty hours of continuous flying, including evasive action in case of attack.

Postscript 2:

in early 1999, a box containing a prototype of the Jonothan Livingston directional controller was found in a Berne forest. Though the authorities tried to assign blame on Russian secret service activities during the cold war, we can guess the truth.!

Introduction
Background
Body part 1 - the Jonathan Livingston model
Body part 2 - Remote Radio Control
Body part 3 - the Swiss Dove Bomber Squadron
Body part 4 - The ultimate - the Swiss Dove Cruise Missile
Conclusion

This material is my personal invention and does not reflect any professional or public opinion of Toastmasters, any employer, or any other organisation with which I am connected.  Please note that it is in the nature of Toastmasters, while working to build their presentation skills, to present opinions which they may not necessarily hold.

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

Introduction

Now, you've all heard of the Swiss Army Knife, I'm sure. And the Swiss Army Bicycle.

There is another Swiss military tradition, with more than a hundred years of history, dating back to the first days of the Air Mail service. I'm referring to Swiss homing pigeons.

But the story is now out. We can reveal the secret projects which planned the use of  Swiss doves in warfare, from the locked files of the Swiss Army and Air Force.

(Did I tell you that I used to work for the Swiss government?)

(In fact, I'm telling you now, what I was entrapped into telling Larry, who is an American agent working as a mole with me, in a Swiss government department. We'd had a few drinks - in fact he kept telling me to have another one. But now the secret's out and the world deserves to know the truth!)

Background

I'll give you a little background ...

Do you know that ...

How does the system work in wartime? Well, when the military alert level rises to about the status after Tschernobyl, the pigeons would be carried (by rail) to all parts of Switzerland. There they would remain at alert status until they were needed to carry messages back to headquarters.

Why keep these in active status? (If you know the Swiss, you realise the official story could be true.)
The military could not trust unsecure and unproved new inventions like radio or telephone.

Now that's the official story. It was the secret projects that interested Larry.

 
Body part 1 - the Jonathan Livingston model

One project started about 1950. The same time as the U.S. Navy began training dolphins to carry bombs to enemy ships. Now, dolphins may be more intelligent than birds, but the disadvantage was that each could be used only once. Swiss doves are more cost-effective.

The aim of this project was to control the bird's flight. As you can imagine, after a homing pigeon arrives with a message, it would be useful to direct it back with the reply.

The first experiments tried to get the birds to follow an aluminum artificial guided model, called the Jonathan Livingston model. Unfortunately, this project was a failure - the birds would not follow it.

But some of the models got away (a misguided model) - and the artillery teams which practiced by shooting them down didn't get them all.

So this could be important. If you're walking in a Swiss forest sometime, and you see what looks like a rusty tin can lying on the ground, take care. Don't touch!!! It could be an artificial bird. (If you are in the Swiss Militia you will already have your special instructions, but I have to tell the foreigners here what do do)

Warning: don't touch it. There is a self-destruct built in - it could blow up on you!!! Take careful note of the exact location, including the direction and the number of the nearest tree. (You know, all Swiss trees are numbered.) Then you have to call a special telephone number (which I'll write down here for you). In fact, since it was such a secret project, you should call Koller, Delamuraz or Villiger directly. Just tell them you found a Swiss Army Dove looking like a tin can, they'll know what you mean and send someone to get you.

Larry looked at me strangely. "You need another drink", he said.

Body part 2 - Remote Radio Control

The second project was more successful. This was done by the Air Force.

Have you ever seen a flock of birds flying, as a group, in close formation? What is amazing, is that all birds swoop and soar, simultaneously. (SHOW). They all change direction at the same time. Guess where the Air Force learnt about flying planes in formation?

The problem was, how do the birds transmit instructions to each other, how do they know which bird is the leader, and how do you control this one. It took years of research and development to build a radio-controlled neural stimulator. But the latest version now looks just like a Walkman.

So, next time you see a flock of birds in synchronous formation flying, have a careful look around you. Especially look for someone sitting on a park bench operating a radio. He might be hidden in a tree, or even in a vehicle or at the window of an apartment. The chances are, you'll find a Swiss Air Force specialist working a remote controller unit!

Larry looked at me a little strangely. I don't think he believed it. Just then a piece of white goop fell from the sky and landed on his shoe. I had a quick look at it, but I didn't say anything. He said "what were you going to say about the Gulf War?"

Body part 3 - the Swiss Dove Bomber Squadron

The real success story of the Swiss Army Dove was in the Gulf War, you know. Now the Air Force was of course interested in the Swiss Army Doves carrying bombs, and not letters. Of course, you see the problem already - they could only carry very small bombs. But remember, a flock of birds can together carry kilograms!

But not tons. But a major advantage of Swiss Dove Bombs is that they can be targeted very precisely - into a window, for instance, or to land upon a letter box, a person or a computer.

This project was under top security. Imagine what Saddam Hussein would do with such a technology! In case his Super Gun did not work (even though it used Swiss materials) he needed an alternative delivery mechanism. Remember, chemical and biological weapons can be miniaturized.

Compare to the Americans Stealth Bombers - which weren't stealthy enough. They could still sometimes be tracked on radar screens. But the Americans and the Swiss cooperated for military technology. (pause)

In conclusion, Swiss Stealth Bombers is may be small, but they are deadly, we say.

The project was a success, but, much to the regret of their trainers, the Swiss Dove Bomber Squadron was not given active duty. But, there was an even more important job in the Gulf war.

Body part 4 - The ultimate - the Swiss Dove Cruise Missile

Now note that what I'm now going to tell you has been a carefully guarded secret up. You won't find many people who'll admit that it's true. Or want to - there's too much prestige involved.

You remember the early days of cruise missiles? In Texas and around San Diego in California they were flying in all directions? Lots of times wrong. Do you think the military contractors would admit that they were not as good as they should be? Or that they needed help?

But in the Gulf War, on CNN news, we saw pictures of cruise missiles following roads, going up streets, turning corners, even going to the top of a building and down a chimney? Fantastic!

What you didn't see, what they never admitted - was that the cruise missile was actually following a Swiss Army Dove!!!

About this time, somebody sidled up to us where we were talking, and said "You schpeak Engleesch? I like to say hello". I warned Larry with a glance and a jerk of my head, and we quickly moved away.

"Half the population is in the Swiss military," I told him. "I'm sorry I can't tell you any more."

Conclusion

But I can give you one last message of warning. Some of the experimental birds here in Switzerland, got out of control and couldn't be shot down. They may be still flying!

So if you get hit on the head with bird poop, we advise you to IMMEDIATELY: